Possibly the longest and most rambling post I will ever post. I'm sorry, in advance.

My mom said I’m flighty.

My academic advisor said I am intelligent, and therefore have many avenues in which I could succeed.

The internet says I show moderate to high levels of ADD. (Not the hyperactive kind, just the oh wait, what were you saying? I zoned out. That kind)

Whatever the case, I’m not good with commitment. I’m not talking about the relationship kind. I am worlds of awesome at the relationship kind; I’ve been with the hubs for nine years. Give me any other commitment, though, and it takes an Atlas-like effort for me to sustain. On the outside, it simply looks like a severe case of indecisiveness, but I know better. It’s not normal to change your major four five six times. Inside, my brain was saying, “I’m bored, let’s try something new!” and I was like, “No, brain, I like this class, and I could see myself getting a job in this field” and then my brain throws reasons that I will NOT, in fact, like the field at me. For example, this is what happened in my head during college:

Fall, Freshman Year: Physical Therapy

I like physical therapy. I had to get physical therapy on my hand and it was fun and the ladies were really nice and you make a lot of money, and I could do that. I was a good patient and I’m sure that I will have good patients and everybody will love me. Wait, some people scream? I don’t want to make people scream, though. Oh, and I have to touch people in a lot of places. Sometimes on their upper thighs. That would be really awkward. I’m not sure I’d like to do that. Maybe I will go with something else. It’s still early in my college career, I have plenty of time to decide.

Also Fall, Freshman Year: Elementary Education

I can be a kindergarten teacher!!! YAY! I love children! They are cute and fun! We will have a great time and I will teach them their numbers and letters. And they will love me and, wait, what? Sometimes they pee on you? They’re supposed to be potty-trained!!! They’re like, 6! That’s disgusting! Holy crap, every kid I have seen in Walmart today has been throwing a tantrum. That kid just kicked his mom! GAH, I hate kids!!!! I don’t want have one of my own for a VERY long time, much less teach the little hooligans!!!

           

Life Event: Get engaged

Spring, Freshman Year: Psychology

I LOVED my gen ed psychology class! It was so interesting! And I love to help people, and listen to people’s problems. This is a good major. I want to be a clinical psychologist! That would be a fun and interesting job! I could get my masters and my Ph.D. and I would make good money doing something that I think is full of awesome. Wait, the fiancé wants to go to medical school? That is very expensive, and if he goes to medical school, then that means I should probably make money right out of college so we don’t die of our poorness, or have to sleep outside in a box. I don’t even like camping that much, so I would hate to sleep outside in a box. I should probably change my major to something where I am guaranteed to get a good job right after college. And switch colleges, so I won’t have to drive 45 miles to school every day.

            Life Event: Get married and transfer to new college

           

Fall, Junior Year: Nursing

Yay, nursing is a great job! I will be a nurse, and I will work while the hubs goes to medical school! I am such a good wife, and we will grow up and work in the same hospital and be like something off of Gray’s Anatomy, only less dramatic. Oh, what is this? A catheter? I have to stick that WHERE???? And clean up urine/fecal matter? GAAAHHH I don’t want to do that! What was I thinking??? What, the hubs? I should go to medical school with you? Oh that’s silly! It’s too expensive! We could never do that! You think we can? Really? I’m that smart? Ok! Let’s do it!

Spring, Junior Year: Cell and Molecular Biology

Yay, I’m going to be a doctor! I’m going to make BANK by helping people and I do love to help people. I…wait, this is crazy! The hubs and I can’t both be doctors! It’s madness! The hubs, what were you thinking convincing me to do this? We will be in debt for all of forever, and we will be the only two homeless doctors in America. Oh, I should be a Physician’s Assistant and then I won’t have to change my major? Ok, sounds good. Lala, Physician’s Assistant. Man these classes are really hard. Maybe I should change my major to Biology. That would work just as well, and then I could get more A’s and less B’s. No, I’m staying the course. I have changed my major five times. I just need to power through. But I did so good in Gen. Chem. Maybe I should change my major to Chemistry. I like Chemistry. NO! POWER THROUGH, DADGUMMIT! Wait, the hubs thinks it would be fun to open a tea lounge? That WOULD be fun! We should do that! And I can decorate it all artsy and paint the chairs….what am I saying? I have to graduate!!! But opening my own bakery would be fun! (Proceeds to buy some recipe books.) Stop! Focus! Graduate!  But I HATE this major! I’m too much of a perfectionist, and working this many hours a week and trying to get A’s in these classes is IMPOSSIBLE!!! I’m miserable and I am having mini nervous breakdowns every few weeks. Plus I HATE physics and math. Must change to protect sanity.

And that, my friends, is how I graduated with a Psychology degree (and a minor in Biomedical Sciences) in just FIVE years!

Anyway, the point to this whole post is the fact that I am a commitment-phobe. And now I’m starting to do that with California. One day, I’m a ridiculous Pollyanna who knows we can make it, no matter the cost. The next, I’m Debbie Downer (wah-wah), who thinks this idea is crazy and that we will probably die from poorness (or gang-related violence…I could easily be mistaken for a gang member, you know. Word.). Needless to say, I’m flip-flopping more than John Kerry during the election years. I’m feeling especially claustrophobic now that we’ve paid the $500 deposit to my school to hold my place. SO, will Monica make it to California, or will her evil, despicable, commitment-shy alter ego throw a wrench in the whole she-bang to cause a whole mess of callywompusness? (That’s right, callywompus. My mother-in-law says that, and I’ve been dying to use it. Or maybe it’s cattywonkus. I don’t know.) Stay tuned.