The Housing Situation. It's not good.

So, there is only a month and a half before the big move, and the hubs and I have yet to establish some form of living arrangement. Believe me, we’ve tried. We have scored Craigslist, perused apartment magazines, and even scouted out locations on our last trip. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The first barrier is the price. It’s not unusual for 800 square feet to go for $2400. Our budget is a paltry $1200. This means that the average apartment we look at is 500 square feet or so. It is usually a cockroach-infested, musty-smelling shoebox with bad plumbing and 70’s carpet. Obviously, I’m not eager to commit (See: last blog post).


We finally had our friend look at a place for us. It was 3 blocks from my school and a local farmer’s market, as well as within easy walking distance from both of our current jobs. It was…well, not perfect, because it was smaller than most prison cells. But it was good enough. Until I found that the Better Business Bureau had given the apartment’s management company an F. (The hubs was still willing to give it a try, but THEN I read that one of this company’s building’s plumbing backed up so badly that there was poop in the bathtub for a week before anyone even came to fix it. POOP!!! I realize that there are people in Africa that live in even worse conditions, but before I could feel too guilty, I remembered that they are not paying $1200 a month to live in said conditions. Guilt averted.)


I know I need to lower my standards a little. I’m not going to find the place I have now for a price that I can afford. And the places we looked at in Los Angeles weren’t as bad as one of the houses we looked at here in Springfield: when I tried to open a closet door, the doorknob fell off in my hand. (The lady showing us the house was so befuddled and bewildered that I wanted to hug her. But I didn’t want to rent her place.) Anyways, I just want to find a decent place with no 70’s carpet, no cockroaches, a stove AND a refrigerator, close to my school, and enough room to put a bed and couch. For $1200 or under, preferably. I’m not sure it’s possible. I should probably talk the hubs into letting me find a Hollywood sugar daddy. I’ve heard that George Clooney is available…and if he’s not yet, he probably will be soon. That man goes through women like I go through socks. It’s only a matter of time…


UPDATE: The hubs has suggested that he dress up like Spiderman and take pictures with tourists outside of Grauman's Chinese Theatre. I like this idea. I should probably think of someone to dress up as, too. Every little bit of cash helps, you know. 

Possibly the longest and most rambling post I will ever post. I'm sorry, in advance.

My mom said I’m flighty.

My academic advisor said I am intelligent, and therefore have many avenues in which I could succeed.

The internet says I show moderate to high levels of ADD. (Not the hyperactive kind, just the oh wait, what were you saying? I zoned out. That kind)

Whatever the case, I’m not good with commitment. I’m not talking about the relationship kind. I am worlds of awesome at the relationship kind; I’ve been with the hubs for nine years. Give me any other commitment, though, and it takes an Atlas-like effort for me to sustain. On the outside, it simply looks like a severe case of indecisiveness, but I know better. It’s not normal to change your major four five six times. Inside, my brain was saying, “I’m bored, let’s try something new!” and I was like, “No, brain, I like this class, and I could see myself getting a job in this field” and then my brain throws reasons that I will NOT, in fact, like the field at me. For example, this is what happened in my head during college:

Fall, Freshman Year: Physical Therapy

I like physical therapy. I had to get physical therapy on my hand and it was fun and the ladies were really nice and you make a lot of money, and I could do that. I was a good patient and I’m sure that I will have good patients and everybody will love me. Wait, some people scream? I don’t want to make people scream, though. Oh, and I have to touch people in a lot of places. Sometimes on their upper thighs. That would be really awkward. I’m not sure I’d like to do that. Maybe I will go with something else. It’s still early in my college career, I have plenty of time to decide.

Also Fall, Freshman Year: Elementary Education

I can be a kindergarten teacher!!! YAY! I love children! They are cute and fun! We will have a great time and I will teach them their numbers and letters. And they will love me and, wait, what? Sometimes they pee on you? They’re supposed to be potty-trained!!! They’re like, 6! That’s disgusting! Holy crap, every kid I have seen in Walmart today has been throwing a tantrum. That kid just kicked his mom! GAH, I hate kids!!!! I don’t want have one of my own for a VERY long time, much less teach the little hooligans!!!

           

Life Event: Get engaged

Spring, Freshman Year: Psychology

I LOVED my gen ed psychology class! It was so interesting! And I love to help people, and listen to people’s problems. This is a good major. I want to be a clinical psychologist! That would be a fun and interesting job! I could get my masters and my Ph.D. and I would make good money doing something that I think is full of awesome. Wait, the fiancé wants to go to medical school? That is very expensive, and if he goes to medical school, then that means I should probably make money right out of college so we don’t die of our poorness, or have to sleep outside in a box. I don’t even like camping that much, so I would hate to sleep outside in a box. I should probably change my major to something where I am guaranteed to get a good job right after college. And switch colleges, so I won’t have to drive 45 miles to school every day.

            Life Event: Get married and transfer to new college

           

Fall, Junior Year: Nursing

Yay, nursing is a great job! I will be a nurse, and I will work while the hubs goes to medical school! I am such a good wife, and we will grow up and work in the same hospital and be like something off of Gray’s Anatomy, only less dramatic. Oh, what is this? A catheter? I have to stick that WHERE???? And clean up urine/fecal matter? GAAAHHH I don’t want to do that! What was I thinking??? What, the hubs? I should go to medical school with you? Oh that’s silly! It’s too expensive! We could never do that! You think we can? Really? I’m that smart? Ok! Let’s do it!

Spring, Junior Year: Cell and Molecular Biology

Yay, I’m going to be a doctor! I’m going to make BANK by helping people and I do love to help people. I…wait, this is crazy! The hubs and I can’t both be doctors! It’s madness! The hubs, what were you thinking convincing me to do this? We will be in debt for all of forever, and we will be the only two homeless doctors in America. Oh, I should be a Physician’s Assistant and then I won’t have to change my major? Ok, sounds good. Lala, Physician’s Assistant. Man these classes are really hard. Maybe I should change my major to Biology. That would work just as well, and then I could get more A’s and less B’s. No, I’m staying the course. I have changed my major five times. I just need to power through. But I did so good in Gen. Chem. Maybe I should change my major to Chemistry. I like Chemistry. NO! POWER THROUGH, DADGUMMIT! Wait, the hubs thinks it would be fun to open a tea lounge? That WOULD be fun! We should do that! And I can decorate it all artsy and paint the chairs….what am I saying? I have to graduate!!! But opening my own bakery would be fun! (Proceeds to buy some recipe books.) Stop! Focus! Graduate!  But I HATE this major! I’m too much of a perfectionist, and working this many hours a week and trying to get A’s in these classes is IMPOSSIBLE!!! I’m miserable and I am having mini nervous breakdowns every few weeks. Plus I HATE physics and math. Must change to protect sanity.

And that, my friends, is how I graduated with a Psychology degree (and a minor in Biomedical Sciences) in just FIVE years!

Anyway, the point to this whole post is the fact that I am a commitment-phobe. And now I’m starting to do that with California. One day, I’m a ridiculous Pollyanna who knows we can make it, no matter the cost. The next, I’m Debbie Downer (wah-wah), who thinks this idea is crazy and that we will probably die from poorness (or gang-related violence…I could easily be mistaken for a gang member, you know. Word.). Needless to say, I’m flip-flopping more than John Kerry during the election years. I’m feeling especially claustrophobic now that we’ve paid the $500 deposit to my school to hold my place. SO, will Monica make it to California, or will her evil, despicable, commitment-shy alter ego throw a wrench in the whole she-bang to cause a whole mess of callywompusness? (That’s right, callywompus. My mother-in-law says that, and I’ve been dying to use it. Or maybe it’s cattywonkus. I don’t know.) Stay tuned.  

This is what I waste my life doing.

So, Steve is about to kick me out of bed, because he has to get up in about 4 hours and I'm laying here reading a blog that makes me squeak and snort at random. I'm pretty slap-happy right now, so that's not hard to do, but I had to share this blog with everyone because I love it! I promise that eventually I will write a real post. Maybe even a good one. But tonight:

Another reason to leave Springfield...

Cheezies has closed. I'm so distressed about this that I felt the need to write a blog post about it. Cheezies was the best pizza place in town, and it was only $5 to get a medium one-topping. Instead, we have a new pizza place called McDucks, with higher prices and pizza that is nowhere near the garlicky greatness that was Cheezies. I feel like there should be a moment of silence.




Ok, that's good.

I realize this post is really lame, but I am tired because I have traveled from one end of the country to the other within the last month two and a half weeks (and then to KCMO after that), sustained two terrible sunburns, and fallen down the stairs of my apartment complex, so my normally superbad immune system is all, "Peace out, homegirl, I'm going on vacation, too" and now my throat hurts. Ok, so that may actually be from singing in the car for 3.274 hours to the Moulin Rouge soundtrack. But still.

ANYWAYS, I know this post might be a bit of a disappointment, so I decided to include this picture that I think is funny to compensate. Enjoy.

UPDATE: Ok, so apparently I was a little quick to judge McDuck's...I got on their website and they are actually about the same price, and their thin crust is actually CHEAPER than Cheezies, coming in at a cool $3.99. We ordered a couple just now and I have decided to reserve judgment until I have tasted them.


FURTHER UPDATE: Please disregard blog post (except for the picture of the hubs and Peanut). McDuck's is pretty good. That is all.


EVEN FURTHER UPDATE: Apparently the place is actually called Muducks...WTF???